Stress Seems To Make Me Relax...But Only A Little Bit.

Too much homework, too much chem. I have a week to finish 4 chapters, about (now it's) 6 labs in chem. a few back homework assignments in trig, and to read the entire great gatsby and write a 500 word essay on it. how much you wanna bet i'll pass chem with a c, bs the essay and pass trig with an a- ? i can see that.

Plan for Success
Thursday: Chem in fryer's till he kicks us out, chem at liz's till 6:30, trig, then gatsby till i pass out.
Friday: Play rehearsal till 5, chem/trig in daly's till 5:30ish when cooley gets there then more trig/chem/gatsby. 7ish basketball game chem/gatsby. 8:30ish Home, rest, gatsby till i pass out.
Saturday: chem, gatsby, work on lines for the play. do hw till i get sick of it, but keep on going till i pass out.
Sunday: chem/trig/gatsby till i pass out, work on lines for drama.
Monday: Rehearsal trig/chem/gatsby/lines till i pass out.
Tuesday: Rehearsal trig/chem/lines/gatsby till i pass out. (last time to work on chem)
wednesday: chem (till he kicks us out)/trig/lines till i pass out. (last day of chem)
thursday: rehearsal/lines for play/gatsby.
friday: relief, no school, yet rehearsal. 3ish to 5ish.

With a plan like that, there's no time to relax, but there's no time to stress. take it as you go, and leave it at that. i don't know what i'm doing, but hopefully i'll get it done.
wish me luck.
-lia.

i just realized...

i haven't watched pirates of the caribbean in a very long time...

*big smile*

that will be my tomorrow.

-lia.

Chemistry...

is frustrating as hell. what more is there to say about it? i tried. i've tried and tried. i don't understand it. no one understands it. the teacher won't help me. i'm going to flunk it. i guess that's just a fact. i mean, it's not like i want to flunk it, but the way this teacher is and how it's going, i don't see any other way to go.

saturday, hopefully, i am getting out of this house. i am getting out of this house and going to the movies. i am getting out of this house, going to the movies, and finally going to see memoirs of a geisha after 50 million cancelled plans. thank god.

i'm actually happy that monday is school. i just i'm sick of being at home. it'll be good. it'll be good to be back at school.

i'm going to try to get to bed early tonight. when i finish this blog i'm going to go take a shower, turn off everything and read a midsummer night's dream again.

Today's Random Thoughts:

• i let my nails get long. i kinda like it though, but kinda annoying.
• craig ferguson's reading the great gatsby, and i just realized i need to read it for honors english.
• i can act, but i can't do public speaking. i can play the sax, but i can't sing a solo. that's weird.
• ironically, shortening the chapter doesn't really make it short. it's 3 full pages right now, which is one of the (if not the longest) chapter so far.
• how crammed is my schedule going to be next week? two basketball games (or so i've heard) and at least one play rehearsal...

well that's it from me today. goodnight.

-lia

The world has turned and left me here...

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by intellect
Or maybe you didn't
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
Do you believe what I sing now?

Weezer is so great. Their music is so great. No matter what you can relate to it. Happy, sad, angry, you can relate to it. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here This...this is kind of how i'm feeling right now. I don't know what it is, I mean you get sick, go on break and it's like everyone forgets about you. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm not. Like i said the other day, i've been out of my house twice over break. twice in two weeks. I mean, I know I'm sick, but have I been invited to do anything? Considered a Bandgeek, considered a friend, but it's funny. The people you wouldn't expect to be invited to certain things suddenly are, and you...you're left alone. I don't know what it is. During school...phone calls every day, different people...break? 4 calls. one on new years, one on christmas to brag about presents, andtwo to check up on me. I mean, I'm sick, but I'm still alive, right? I have difficult parents, but I can still get away with some stuff. Whatever. I mean it's not so bad being alone, like a friend said " I spent all that time by myself. that sounds sad for some reason but those had to be the happiest days of my life." It's true. I like being alone sometimes, but sometimes I just get sick of being alone. Sick of being bored. Sick of having to listen to what everyone else is doing while I sit there nodding. I mean, it's weird. I know I don't like being in a crowd. I don't like being with people I don't know that well, that's just me. You know what I think my problem is? I think i'm afraid of people. Too many people+Small Space=Freaking out=Depression. I don't know what it is. I like being home alone, with the quiet, but for too long, with the bragging, it gets to me and I get in one of these moods. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe I'm imagining it. Whatever it is, I can't stand it and I want out. I want out of the lonliness, out of the depression, out of everything really. Whatever it is, I hope I get over it soon. All this, ^^ these feelings, they're distracting. Everything in this house is distracting. I can pick up a scrap of paper the size of a penny and it can be distracting. I need to just get out, and maybe that's why I like to write so much. Hell, I know that's why I like to write so much. I can get out, escape from all of this be someone else just by using my mind, a pen and paper, or my fingers and a keyboard. It's crazy how much human life depends on words. I don't even know why I'm tearing up writing this. I've been through worse. I don't know why I'm putting this up here. Maybe someone can help remedy this, maybe they can't. I don't know. I just feel left out, left out of life. I don't know what it is. Whatever it is, maybe it doesn't even matter anymore. I feel like I'm just rambling on and on, but it helps, you know? I guess if I want to pass chemistry (oh that's another joke that makes me depressed and angry as hell) I have four days. Four days, four chapters and three labs. It's 1:45am. I can get started on a chapter now, maybe even finish one and a half. All I know is I have to get it done, if i want to do anything. I'm not used to failure, but i'm sick of this. I'm sick of everything.
-lia.


Actually, I wrote this 1.5.06, but it wouldn't let me post it.

Three Week Cold

That is what the Doctor said I have. "This isn't a one week cold, it's a three week cold." Absolutely wonderful for me, isn't it? What a Wonderful winter break, no?
Week One:

1. Sleep
2. Watch Tv
3. Be Miserable
4. Chat with people online
5. Go to my Tia Lupe's house for game night
   
6. Doctor Visit on New Years Day

Week Two (So far...)

1. Twilight Zone Marathon (new years eve-new years day)
   
2. Sitcoms
3. Chat with people online
4. Be Miserable
5. Complain about taking NASTY medicine
6. Work on fanfic at 2 am
7. Work on Chem at 2 am

Well, that's been my break, OH! And try to convince my mom to let me go to that theater program in LA. That's a big job. It may take forever.

Oh, and you know what I found out? My cousin Donna (my favorite cousin. she gives me respect and treats me like an adult. she's great to talk to.) she told me that if her youngest son was a girl, they were going to name him Solia. My mom wouldn't let them though, "No! We INVENTED that name! You can't have it!" Bs. Search Solia on google, get a Million results. It's frustrating because i never heard about that until friday. My mom never told me that, and If Donna hadn't told me, I never would have known. It's my name, right? Once you name your kid it's their name to do what they please with it. I should have at least been asked, or told about it, you know what I mean? That makes me angry...
Oh well. I'm going to work on my fanfic a little bit more. For those of you who read, (which i doubt there's any) or in case your interested click the link in the side panel under links click on Have Faith In Destiny.

A Little summary on the chapter:
Solia and Jack finally make it into Tortuga. Her first time out of the posh town isn't quite what she expected. Pirates, men, aren't what she expected, especially, Jack Sparrow. Tortuga, isn't the friendly, picturesque pirate town she expected, and she'll have to learn to trust Jack, or face the dangers alone.

Well that's all there is for me today. I'm going to get back to work on that chapter. Good night, and good luck,
-Lia