The world has turned and left me here...

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by intellect
Or maybe you didn't
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day
*******
The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
*******
Do you believe what I sing now?

Weezer is so great. Their music is so great. No matter what you can relate to it. Happy, sad, angry, you can relate to it. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here This...this is kind of how i'm feeling right now. I don't know what it is, I mean you get sick, go on break and it's like everyone forgets about you. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm not. Like i said the other day, i've been out of my house twice over break. twice in two weeks. I mean, I know I'm sick, but have I been invited to do anything? Considered a Bandgeek, considered a friend, but it's funny. The people you wouldn't expect to be invited to certain things suddenly are, and you...you're left alone. I don't know what it is. During school...phone calls every day, different people...break? 4 calls. one on new years, one on christmas to brag about presents, andtwo to check up on me. I mean, I'm sick, but I'm still alive, right? I have difficult parents, but I can still get away with some stuff. Whatever. I mean it's not so bad being alone, like a friend said " I spent all that time by myself. that sounds sad for some reason but those had to be the happiest days of my life." It's true. I like being alone sometimes, but sometimes I just get sick of being alone. Sick of being bored. Sick of having to listen to what everyone else is doing while I sit there nodding. I mean, it's weird. I know I don't like being in a crowd. I don't like being with people I don't know that well, that's just me. You know what I think my problem is? I think i'm afraid of people. Too many people+Small Space=Freaking out=Depression. I don't know what it is. I like being home alone, with the quiet, but for too long, with the bragging, it gets to me and I get in one of these moods. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe I'm imagining it. Whatever it is, I can't stand it and I want out. I want out of the lonliness, out of the depression, out of everything really. Whatever it is, I hope I get over it soon. All this, ^^ these feelings, they're distracting. Everything in this house is distracting. I can pick up a scrap of paper the size of a penny and it can be distracting. I need to just get out, and maybe that's why I like to write so much. Hell, I know that's why I like to write so much. I can get out, escape from all of this be someone else just by using my mind, a pen and paper, or my fingers and a keyboard. It's crazy how much human life depends on words. I don't even know why I'm tearing up writing this. I've been through worse. I don't know why I'm putting this up here. Maybe someone can help remedy this, maybe they can't. I don't know. I just feel left out, left out of life. I don't know what it is. Whatever it is, maybe it doesn't even matter anymore. I feel like I'm just rambling on and on, but it helps, you know? I guess if I want to pass chemistry (oh that's another joke that makes me depressed and angry as hell) I have four days. Four days, four chapters and three labs. It's 1:45am. I can get started on a chapter now, maybe even finish one and a half. All I know is I have to get it done, if i want to do anything. I'm not used to failure, but i'm sick of this. I'm sick of everything.
-lia.


Actually, I wrote this 1.5.06, but it wouldn't let me post it.